100 thoughts.

I have been an awful blogger these last few months, my life is like a rollercoaster, up and down and side to side. Too many thoughts for a little brain and not enough time to consider any of them. Slightly feel like I'm losing myself amongst too much important things that are constantly lying on my shoulders. I'm twenty and I feel fifty. This last year may as well not have happened, it feels like its flashed by like a firework. (I'm still waiting for the bang and burst of pretty colours but have a feeling it was after all a dud, or one of the disappointing ones which just sort of fizzle then disappear.)

This time last year I thought I was going to end up persuing marketing as a career. I started a degree in marketing and realised I wanted to be a journalist. Through this blog, I know what I want to do with my life, and I cant thank you enough for reading this and making me realise that. I love the thought that you're interested enough in what goes on in my head to spend five minutes of your life reading it.

I've realised that I was designed to travel. I am meant to be taking in sights and storing them in my thoughts. I want to see everything and wish that money wasn't an object and I could do whatever I wanted. I wish that pure will and reason could get you to where you needed to be. Right now I need to be on Layan beach surrounded by friendly Thai faces and beach dogs. If anyone cares to take me, please feel free.

I know who my friends are and that they are amazing. I have rekindled old friendships and found new ones, be them half an hour down the road or a 13 hour flight away, they're amazing and I don't know what I'd do without them. It blows my mind to think how different every one person is, from their views to their day to day lives, every one of them has taught me many valuable lessons whether they meant to or not. Meeting these people has rounded me as a person and I'll thank them eternally for it, I'm sure you know who you are.

I have used my brain more in the last 12 months than it has ever been used to, and although it has taught me a lot about myself part of me thinks that I have stepped backwards and have less idea of who, where, what I want to be than I did back then. There was less to think about - I had more fun, less responsibilities; but I guess thats all part of growing up. I'm undecided about where things are leading and the uncertainty is bothering me regularly.

But this year - full of ups and downs - has made me realise what matters... My family and friends are there for me through thick and thin, and I know they'll accept whatever path I choose. But in the end, I know I'll become what I deserve. And so far, I don't think I'm doing too badly.


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